Lesbian Visibility in a Time of Evolution in Our Community

The Lesbian Flag flies from the Community Center building during Lesbian Visibility Week

BY JULIET BROWN , DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS AND DEVELOPMENT

According to recent Gallup polls, people in the U.S. who are willing to publicly identify in a survey as LGBTQ+ has more than doubled since their earliest polls in 2012 from 3.5% to 9%. Young people and bisexuals represent the biggest percentage. For lesbians specifically, in Australia at least, the number of people identifying as lesbian only, according to Sydney Women and Sexual Health (SWASH) surveys, is in decline, while the identity as queer or other is rising.

So what does this mean for lesbian visibility? Also revealed in that survey was that while the number of respondents identifying only as lesbian declined, 55% identified as lesbian plus another identity such as queer. The term “lesbian” seems to work for many as an umbrella term for women who love women. It has not always meant women who only love women and have never loved men. This has been controversial for many years, particularly for bisexual women who have a hard time accessing the community when they are in a relationship with a man. The definition of “woman” has also caused problems. Historically we have seen times when transwomen have been excluded from the category of “woman” in LBQ women organizations and contexts. But it has always been the case that women (cis and trans and nonbinary) in lesbian communities were bisexual, pansexual/romantic, asexual, and more, and were considered part of the community.

As we expand our definitions of gender and sexuality and increasingly move away from binaries (lesbian/straight; woman/man) and rigid identities that are not expected to change more than once, our definition of lesbian is getting exposed and questioned: what is a woman loving woman? What is a woman? What is loving? How much time does a woman have to love another woman to be a lesbian? Does she need to be romantically involved? Sexually? Do we need to have a punch card or a ticket from someone to validate parking in the lesbian lot?

Personally, I was very secure in my lesbian identity, even though I had dated a man and been attracted to men. I had chosen women because of my political and social commitments to queer women. But fifteen years ago, when my partner realized he was not a woman, and transitioned to being a man, after thirteen years together, I realized I had to rethink my identity and rethink gender. It felt like an erasure of his identity to call myself a lesbian, not to mention confusing to others unless I came out for him, which was not always my right to do. Calling myself queer or pansexual felt like the right thing for me. The label is not dependent on who, at the time, I am in a relationship with. It felt more stable to me. It also felt much less binary in terms of my and my partner’s genders. I think my experience is not uncommon - that other LBQ+ women have come to understand gender and their attractions as more fluid. I know young people are much more willing to embrace both/and narratives: both trans masc and wearing skirts, or fluid self-expression that changes day to day. Because who makes the rules? We do.

I write all this feeling both that it is right for me to write about lesbian visibility and it is wrong. I was a lesbian for over two decades and she is still inside me, but I have outgrown that identity and I wonder if there isn’t someone more legitimately lesbian to talk about these issues? Am I contributing to lesbian invisibility as I write this? Who am I to say what it means to be a lesbian? I’d like to say that all women who have ever loved another woman should be counted under the lesbian umbrella, because we need lesbian visibility. But we have many lesbians in our community who faced many years of violence just to be their authentic selves, and still do. To lose sight of the difference between someone who doesn’t have much of a choice about how they identify and someone who waves a flag when they feel like it, is a mistake. Can we all be more both/and? Can we both honor lesbians who have fought years of discrimination and embrace all women who are queer in whatever way they define it? Because we need to stand together, more than ever now. We need to love women – the full spectrum of women. Right now, women are being violently loathed, atrociously attacked, heartlessly murdered all over the world. Our bodies and spirits are being desecrated to bolster the egos and power of cis men. The world is unconcerned with how we identify. Maybe we can make room too.

And now is not the time to be afraid to be out. According to the GLAAD Accelerating Acceptance 2025 Report, we have a great deal of support: “More than seven in ten non-LGBTQ adults say that if someone close to them (like a family member or close friend) told them they were LGBTQ, they would support them … This includes 73% ... who would support someone close to them who is trans or nonbinary … and 91% of non-LGBTQ U.S. adults agree parents should support and love their children exactly as they are.” We should find this heartening when the backlash feels all-encompassing.

So loving a woman once, or all your life is an act of solidarity with lesbians, it is a choice of beauty, a bright, joyful step in the right direction.

Shout-outs to my lesbian, bi, queer, pan and ace trans/cis women and non-binary friends here in the Hudson Valley (some can be found at Radio Kingston, The Yoga House, and The Asterisk, to name a few!). And here at the Community Center – which was founded through the amazing organizing power of lesbians (including Ginny Apuzzo, Barbara Fried and Bonnie Wagner continue to be very much part of the Community Center family today) – we have LBTQ+ women and non-binary people who populate our front desk, our staff, our board, our library, our committees, our social groups, our services, our clinical groups, our patron and sponsor lists, our clinics, our town halls, our pride marches and most of our events: Sage, Luci, Giselle,Lauren, Bonnie, Retts, Jenn, Claudia, Sabrina, Lyndsay, Tara, Angelee, Linda, Ginny, Barbara, Jami, Liz, Jena,Amy and Jo! – to name just a few. Shout outs also to trans men/masc folx, some of whom identified as LBQ+ before transitioning, who nourish me and our community and inform our understanding of lesbianism.

Executive Director’s Note: We honor the breadth of our community, including all those who identify as lesbians. We owe a debt of gratitude to many — including the 21 women listed among the Community Center’s 25 founders. It was the power and commitment of women, namely lesbians, that brought the Hudson Valley LGBTQ+ Community Center into being and that continues to sustain us. For these reasons, you’ll see that the Lesbian Flag flies from the Community Center far longer than just the seven days of Lesbian Visibility Week.